The Listenary

I asked people what keeps them from moving into the powerful communication stance of using I-Statements. These are the responses I received.

"It's such hard work!" Yes, it is hard work to remind yourself, to search within yourself for the real you, and to search for the right words. So let me ask you, Did you ever learn another language? The language of algebra, or calculus? Ancient languages? The speaking language of another culture? This learning to speak I-language is like learning a new language. You can do it! It helps if you immerse yourself in it for 30 days. You can read a page a day, right here on this site! You CAN learn the language.

"There is someone I'm afraid of." Then, please go slowly. Don't bring this all out of the bag at once. In future articles I will discuss how to keep verbally safe in difficult communication situations. It is true that I-language is not wise in some cases.

"All this I-talk sounds conceited." Yes, 40 years ago, when I was a child using play to train myself to be a big corporate secretary somewhere, the accepted manner was the "corporate We," sometimes called the "regal We." The president of the corporation writes of himself, "We will fly to Prague next week and when we return, we will call for your report." Now corporate communicators know better and, for the sake of clarity and honesty, opt for I-language. Please do not listen to your old tapes telling you this is conceit. Listen instead to the honesty your foster. Keep any arrogance out of your tone and stance, and simply define yourself clearly. Others will return the favor.

"I can't do it." You can't remember to do it? You can't wrap your mind around the concept or the benefits? You can't bring yourself to admit and change? You can't bear to hear yourself say "I" that often? What is it that keeps you from being able to do it? Discover! I may have the answer to that question right here: Some people, many people, cannot actuate this kind of communication without finding for themselves a good listener, one who can listen without agenda and without judgment, one who can hear the deepest soul. It is my opinion that every human needs at least one of these. So find a listener for yourself.

Next article: How to Find a Listener