The Listenary

Are you ready to put some things together to make some powerfully effective I-statements in your life? It's not always easy to stay in the first person. Especially under pressure, a person is likely to revert to well-worn habits. So here is a practice session. I'm placing in your hands a valuable formula for communicating under pressure.

Under certain circumstances a formula is helpful, when you are first learning a new procedure, when you are under pressure and might omit a segment, or when precision is a must. In communication, using a formula might seem stilted at first. That's why I urge you to practice with the tools I will give you here. It gets easier. When you can use the formula naturally without having to think overmuch about getting it right, then you have achieved a new and freeing level of communication.

Being under pressure in communication includes situations where the other person is likely to respond with defensiveness, or where you have strong feelings about the subject. In either situation it could be helpful to use the formula even if you don't feel quite as naturally comfortable with it as you wish. You learn by using.

So practice, practice, practice!

First, You may download the formula sentence form. Notice the headings.

Second, in the column headed "I feel . . ." choose and write a feeling word from this page. 

Third, in the column headed ". . . when you . . ." choose and copy a behavior phrase from this page. 

Fourth, in the column headed ". . . and I want . . ." choose and copy a want phrase from this page.

No shortcuts now! I see the wheels in your head turning to put in your own situation words and make them powerful! That's good. However, please fill one page of the form with sentences created by putting the formula pieces together. Have fun with it. Mix and match the sentences to see if and how they make sense. Read them out loud to yourself or to someone else. Laugh together. Please resist the urge to go too quickly to making your own fiery I-statements to use the next time someone crosses your strong feelings.

Let me know how this works for you. In my next posts I will discuss some of the common pitfalls in the this exercise and in attempts to use this formula in real life.