The Listenary

Choose the statement that lets you feel most ready to continue the conversation toward effective communication. Then make a list of verbs that go well with "I" in I-statements.

1. I am angry.
 You make me angry.

2. I feel judged.
 You’re judging me.

3. I feel sad and distanced from you.
 All you’re doing is building a wall between us.

4. I need not to be blamed.
 You’re blaming everything on me.

5. I need freedom to have my own choice.
 Quit trying to run my life!

6. I want friendship that is respectful.
 You can’t be my friend if you don’t respect me.

7. I want to talk.
 You’re not listening to me. Where are you today anyway?

8. I resent receiving solutions and answers when I’ve stated no problem.
 You know so much about everything, don’t you?

9. I resent not having equal time in this conversation.
 You’ve monopolized the time again. You don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise.

10. I appreciate your determination.
 *You are great! You are so determined, you can’t help but succeed.

11. I enjoy your sense of humor.
 *You are terrific! You have the greatest sense of humor.

12. I feel unheard.
 **I feel like you don’t listen to me.

13. I feel shut out of your “important” list. 
 **I’m starting to think that you don’t really care about what I think.

14. I don’t like the developments between us. I have described the steps I will take to improve the situation. I want to understand your feelings about it.
 You are driving me up a wall. You are ruining our relationship.

15. I need five minutes of your listening attention, and then I’ll feel so much better.

16. I need a friend just to listen to me. I looked around and chose you. I wonder if you can be that for me.

*Labeling you-statements, even when positive, are limiting and binding.

**These are actually disguised you-statements; a clue is the use of "that" or "like."