The Listenary

There is a chapter title in Bo Peabody's book, Lucky or Smart? Secrets to an Entrepreneurial Life (New York, NY: Random, 2005), that has become a mantra for me, both in business and in my personal life.

"Learn to Love the Word No."

People with good boundaries can freely say NO. When I meet a person who can happily tell me NO, I can have a pretty good idea that that person's YES will be reliable. If she can readily say NO, I figure she's not sitting around somewhere being resentful about something she got into with me that she doesn't like. This is of great value to me and my friendships.

I choose to be a person, and be around people, who love the word NO. They nurture the word NO. They champion the word NO. On the other hand, I choose not to make my closest friends among those do not love the word NO.

Some people punish an adult NO ("Well, just BE that way if you insist"). Maybe they use the silent treatment or walking out the door.

Some ignore an adult NO ("Every man knows a woman's NO really means YES"). They keep on assuming YES when NO has been said.

Some invalidate the NO of other adults ("Oh, come on, you know you're going to give in an do it"). Perhaps they cite Mamma, or church, or God to persuade you that your NO is useless.

I choose to learn to love the word NO.