The Listenary

For good conflict, the parties must decide to stick to one conflict issue at a time. In order that everyone involved, including the consultant(s), may have clarity about what actually is the conflict issue under discussion, it helps to state the issue clearly. In itself, this task requires time and consideration. The words and form you use to state your conflict issue can help or hinder your desired outcome.

For instance: Suppose you need to decide what color to paint the floor, red or blue. This could indeed be a valid conflict issue. There are resources wanted by differing parties, resources like the money to buy the paint and the space controlled by the paint.

State the conflict issue as a question: "Will we paint the floor red?" Not "Some want it red and some want it blue." You are gathered to decide a question. Calling on all parties to state the question clearly helps to get them on board for conflict resolution.

State the conflict issue as a yes-or-no question: "Will we paint the floor red?" Not "Will we paint the floor red or blue?" Blue can be raised as an alternate option in the discussion, as can black, or even tile or carpet or parquet.

State the conflict issue with "will": "Will we paint the floor red?" Not "Should we paint the floor red?" This helps to remove the issue from judgmentalism generated by those who would claim a moral "right" or "wrong" in the conflict.

Then, if other issues arise, like the storage of disaster relief supplies on the floor to be painted, or like plumbing repairs needed before painting, you will recognize them in a timely manner. You will work together to state clearly each conflict issue and then you will place those you choose on a roster in the decided order of appearance.

This way you are better enabled to stick to one topic at a time.