The Listenary

"We have alot of conflict in the office, we're all so different."

"I feel ashamed when I hear the conflict rising."

"The two of us obviously have a conflict in resource allocation."

"If your conflict involves hitting or throwing things, it's not good conflict."

"There's tension and pickiness all through the company, not really conflict."

"It seems clear to us that Mr. X wants to stir up conflict wherever he is."

Often people use the word "conflict" for any communication situation that seems to be getting difficult. Arguments and yelling are often grouped under the same heading as bickering or hitting. In this course, I use "Difficult Communication" as the heading, then I ask you to look at each type of difficulty with appropriately different questions and strategies. 

In this section of my course, "Difficult Communication," I began with the least difficult, that is, simple diversity. The question to ask is "How are we different?" The strategies are laugh together, re-assign tasks, and re-adjust boundaries.

Then I moved along the difficulty scale to dealing with conversational ignorance. The question to ask is "Am I getting what I want?? The strategies are basic assertiveness skills: feedback words, behaviors, and feelings; repeat and restate; and agree and admit.

Now I move farther along the difficulty scale to conflict. In this course the word conflict will be used for the overlap between two people, groups, or even parts of one person in their demand for resources, space, or attention. In this usage conflict is an identifiable problem that can be described in words. The question to ask is "How are we fighting?" The strategies include basic conflict management skills. I will discuss these in light of all we have learned so far, coming up in the next articles.

After thoroughly discussing conflict management, I will move to more difficult and even dangerous communication situations.

For starters on conflict management, here's a great website for learning the basics. Click here.