The Listenary

The very first question to ask yourself when communication tends toward difficulty is this: "How are we different?"

Oh, let me count the ways we are different! That's a never ending task! We are different in so many different ways that professionals continue to discover and describe new facets of our differences. New assessment tools continue to be produced and analyzed by which to diagnose and discuss human differences.

It would probably be very beneficial for your group or family to participate in some of these assessments. The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test may be the most famous and reliable of these, and has accumulated a rich heritage of observations in its use. DiSC Dimensions of Behavior is another popular assesment instrument around which others have benn spawned. Then there are any number of additional and more recent testing instruments of specific attitudes, aptitudes, behaviors, and styles with varying levels of reliability and popularity. 

Since the assessment of styles, preferences, and motivating factors is far from an exact science, I believe the best indicator of differences is your own observations, educated perhaps by participating in, and studying the results of, a testing session. My communication training and coaching do present simple testing instruments for that purpose. These assessments are meant to improve self-awareness and family discussion along whatever paths the participant finds to follow. I ask my participants please do not use them for diagnosis, prognosis, or labeling.

Disclaimer: The assessments used in my communication training and coaching are presented only for discussion and increase of personal self-awareness. Neither I nor my company participates in any diagnosis or prescription, or the "practice of medicine" in any way. The reader of these assessments carries full responsibility for the use he or she chooses to make of them and for any psychological, health, or medical results possibly achieved thereby.

That said, you can, on your own, begin today to notice the differences that show up around you. Try it. Ask, "How are we different?"