The Listenary

Yes, stress can kill you! More germaine to our conversation here, stress can kill communication. So, you've got a tough communication situation coming up and your really do want to do well in it although your track record may not be so good. Here are three things to do immediately, on the spot, to lessen the effect of stress on your performance.

First, Stop! Stop what you're doing. Stop running. Stop the racing thoughts. One minute of silence won't disrupt your day. Stop the words flowing out of your mouth. Just stop. Take snapshots of what is around you. Are other people shouting? perspiring? screwing up their faces? punching the air? Is there something on the floor? the table? Take still pictures with your eyes, no need to process them now, just capture the picture.

Stop breathing. Yes, I did say that. Stop breathing. In stress the body takes in extra oxygen for energy in case you need to run away.  All that extra oxygen stays pent up in portions of the lungs you're not using at the moment. Furthermore, the body tightens down on the blood vessels to unneeded parts of your body, like the stomach and the head, so your big muscles will have more blood and nutrients and energy. No wonder you might feel sick to your stomach or not be able to process clearly what's going on. So stop breathing. You can count the seconds if you wish, but 40 seconds is not too long. Simply stop in mid-breath or after exhaling, no blown-out cheeks, no tightened throat, just stop. When you need a new breath simply take it; this new breath might be an un-forced, naturally deep and large breath. These few seconds you stole from stress gave your face, throat, and voice a much appreciated rest. These few seconds let your body use up some of the extra oxygen in your lungs, and thereby clean it and your lungs of poisons stored there from all the stress. These few seconds let your body open blood supply to your brain and your stomach so you feel stronger and think more clearly. Do this whenever you feel stressed or frightened. You can do it several times in a row or wait until the next moment you begin to feel overwhelmed. After your huge event when your body seems all tense, you can use this method to bring relaxation. It works!

Second, Smile! Smile at yourself because you really are the awesome person who will get through this situation well. Smile at the world because it really is bigger than this situational slice. Smile at the other person. Okay, perhaps you want to keep this smile to yourself rather than irritate an already-irritated person. Consciously cause a smile. You can do it.

Smile in your eyes. Many smiles don't reach the eyes. On the other hand, it is possible to smile only with the eyes. Try it, looking in your mirror. Think of someone you love dearly or look forward to with eagerness. Notice how tight and bright your eyes look when you smile toward that favored person or event. Your eyeball muscles tighten, which in turn tightens the conjunctiva, the white skin of your eyeball, which in turn causes the outer edge of the cornea to curve and reflect the light in bright ways. All this muscle action increases blood flow to these muscles and the tissue around them--ah, yes, the brain! More brain nutrients in the increased blood flow means better instantaneous thought. It works!

Third, Strategize. Stop! and Smile! need take only a minute. Now you may return to the situation to decide your best strategy. Is more listening needed? Perhaps more behaviors that show that you're listening? Do you need to say "I"? Is there something you can say right now to move he conversation where it needs to go?

Strategize differently for different situations. In the next several articles, I will examine various difficult communication situations: diversity, ignorance, conflict, abuse, anxiety, and antagonism. In each case will discover strategies that work.

So in Stress, Stop! Smile! and Strategize! Kill now stress's negative impact on your performance.