The Listenary

Yes, these two keys are both golden and work like magic. One man told me his son's acting-out behavior cleared in two weeks' time and his vocabulary blossomed, when he began using only the first key. One woman told me her foster-care home changed its atmosphere for the much better, when she gave each child the second key. This is found treasure. You were lead here today.

First Key: Listen More

That's right. Intentionally give the basics of focused attention: eye contact, less distractions, no agenda, time. You are investing in the future of your communication with this person, the success of your relationships, career, home, community, and nation! Though you may feel urgency to proceed on your own matters, if you can suppress that urgency for a few moments, your own matters will go better later. Your own matters don't matter until the other person knows he or she matters to you. This is listening as a gift, mere listening, calm connecting, quiet presence. It's the first magic key to communication.

Second Key: Say "I"

Statements that begin with the pronoun "I" can be and seem much more honest, open, and connecting than almost any other structural element of communication. Think back to the last intense or troubled conversation you had and consider what you would need to do to change your questions and you-statements into I-statements. Merely changing the structure of your language often requires a much deeper introspection to discover what it is that you really feel and want to express. This is good for your communication future. When you give honesty, openness, and true connecting, you thereby invite the same in return.

Now you've found the treasure. Carry it with you today.